Help My Unbelief

Once in a while our Sunday morning worship service messes me up. Why? Because I’m led to make declarations about myself that are not 100% true. Here are a few examples of lyrics that almost always make me cringe:

“I give you my all . . .
“I love you Lord . . .”
“I believe with all my heart . . .”

Really? When I see these words coming, I usually lower my voice to a whisper and then shift into lip-synch mode. Sometimes brutal honesty takes over and I completely shut my mouth until the words pass.

Problem is, the lyrics usually repeat over and over. So I close my eyes. I start wondering how hundreds of people around me can sing this stuff with little smiles on their faces. I find myself struggling to repent for being judgmental. Until I remember who I am, the worst person in the whole place.

For me it’s a downward spiral of anti-worship and guilt. I tell myself the song will be over soon. And I hunker down to wait it out.

But before the song ends, I somehow always seem to remember where to find a glimpse of hope. I crack my eyes open and look for the big cross that hangs at the front of the church. It’s still there. Tears spill out along with the truth:

I give to you, but not enough.
I love you, but not the way you deserve.
I believe, help my unbelief.

Still looking at the cross I forget about the other people, the worship leaders, and the lyrics. I even forget about myself. I focus on the truth and his name is Jesus.

The panoramic vistas of his glory begin to flow across my mind. I acknowledge his ultimate reign: past, present and future. My heart leaps at the infinite weight of his worth. Then I think of what he’s done for me. It is unthinkable. And, “It is finished.” He’s turned anti-worship into worship. Guilt into gratitude.

By then we’ve moved on to another song. Fortunately for us all, the lyrics are usually about the cross. I wipe my tears. And I’m ready to hear his word preached.

Faith comes from hearing and hearing through the word of Christ. I walk out of church with a little smile, knowing he heard my prayer. He has helped my unbelief.

Jerry

Thanks Bob for helping to keep it real and honest. Seeing ourselves as we are is believing.
Sludwick

Hi Bob

i just finished reading Transforming Power of the Gospel and I answered all your questions after each chapter .. lots to pray about , write about and be grateful for ..His love, mercy and grace. Thanks for this nugget as well today .. once again I am reminded …. suz

Bob

Yes! We all need to be continually reminded of the Gospel and it’s transforming power. We have been liken to sheep for good reason. Preach the Gospel to ourselves (and each other) every day!

Paula Collins

Bob,

This just reminded me of Mark 9:24 when the father exclaims, “Lord I do believe, help me in my unbelief.” I love this verse because it is so true. Like yesterday when I heard about the tragedy at Chardon High School, and all the questions come to mind of how a loving God could allow this to happen and two students lose their life and one is paralyzed. But then I remember Romans 8:28 and pray with hope.
Once again, thanks for your transparency.
M Gutierrez

Bob,
This is why I love worshiping through music. This is why I now sing in the choir also. I am searching for that one moment when we are singing that everyone in the room disappears and it is just me and God. I usually have some sort of grin on my face and am singing with everything I have. That’s the moment that the words are real to me and I realize that while I am never giving enough or loving enough…but for that one glimpse of a moment, my desire is enough.

Bob

Yes, I know what you mean. I call it Blessed Self-forgetfulness. It happens a lot for me. Almost every Sunday. It never happens when I’m singing about me or what I bring to the table. It always happens when I’m focused on Christ, who He is, what He’s done, and what He’s doing.

Jamesreinsel

Thanks again for your honesty. Yes, maybe each verse should begin with ” I want to”. Don’t worry. He sees our heart. Sees our struggles. I have to work hard on not letting others in the congregation be a distraction……..good or bad…….or get caught up in the words and notes as I lead. My focus is on worship. I am not promised next Sunday to get it right. And music is this funny little vehicle that connects powerful words with sweet melodies and harmonies that for some reason can take us more easily before th throne. And results in tears or a big idiotic grin of joy!

Bob

Thanks, Jim. Great insights.

Engl530

One of my favorite lyrics is: “I only wish I could love you more, my God and my King.” That is one I can sing truthfully. Others, not so much.

Bob

I hear you. What song is that from?

Ekuebler727

Bob – thanks for articulating so well what I think many in the congregation are probably feeling. I cry pretty much every time I am singing in church because the words always remind me of how completely unworthy I really am and the amazing sacrifice Jesus endured for me – I believe but find it unbelievable at the same time.